Saturday, January 14, 2006

Saturday Morning Funnies

I used to love reading the comics on Saturday morning. Appropriately, I got a funny email from a friend, and thought I'd share it. Hope it makes you guys smile!

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?


M. G. Tarquini said...

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

Soooo not touching that one...

Anonymous said...

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Laughed out loud on that one.

Boy Kim said...

Slow start to the day in the thoughts department, SandRabbit?

Erik Ivan James said...

Great way to lighten the day. Sure beats hell out of reading a newspaper or turning on the evening news. At least there were a lot of truths here.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Glad some of you enjoyed the humour!

And as for you, Boy Kim, I feel it's necessary to exchange roles with my husband for one morning of the week and let him pretend to be the smart one.

Can't I have a morning off?

Lisa S. said...

I'm smiling over here. Going to send these to my buds back at the old office.

Boy Kim said...

Did I say I didn't think they were funny? I hope not, because some of them actually made me smile.

Besides, being the smart-arse that I am, I just knew other commenters would provide sufficient confirmation of how pleasing they were.

As for what you and your hubby get up to in the privacy of your home own... go for it girl. You know I'm not averse to a bit of role-reversal.

And of course you can. Take Wednesday.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Boy Kim,

Why does every chat I have with you eventually get around to role-playing? Hmmmm? Are you John Rickards' cousin?

Boy Kim said...

Because that's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it. Except, of course, I'm not playing.

And now I'm just off to ask my folks if they have brothers/sisters I don't know about. I'll get back to you.

Boy Kim said...

OK. I rang 'em.

Me: I have a got a cousin called John Rickards?

My dad: John who?

Sandra Ruttan said...

Well, have you met John? Bet your parents aren't the first to deny knowing him...

Boy Kim said...

Nope, but I've met Spike Milligan.

Sandra Ruttan said...

John could teach you a thing or two about role-playing Kim. He's more twisted than a pretzel.

Boy Kim said...

Does he know any reputable tops? Female, obviously.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Ask him! What do I look like, an escort service?

R.J. Baker said...

I saw a cartoon in a proctolist's office it portrayed the doctor, ready to do the exam, with a Bud Lite in his hand, and the caption read "NO a BUTT LIGHT!"

The funny thing was the placement of the cartoon. It was at the end of the examination table.

; )~~~

Boy Kim said...

I would, but it's not the sort of thing you first ask a long-lost cousin.

Send me a pic and I'll tell you.

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

I've always wondered about the whole egg thing coming from the chickens butt.