Me be a smartie, but kinda illiterate

A while ago I took one of those IQ tests. I haven't a clue why - it must have been tied to some scam promotion. I vaguely remember taking the test and guessing at a bunch of the answers. That was after I applied my limited brain power to a few and started getting a headache. The damn thing was also taking way too long.

But I got a result assement today and it turns out I've scored borderline gifted. Which isn't news, because I was in the gifted program at school as a kid. Although I guess it means I haven't obliterated all my brain cells over the years. Note to self: if you want to see a score difference, drink more.

What's really interesting, however, is the specific results of my test. The results are broken into 4 categories:

1. Mathematical Intelligence
2. Visual-Spatial Percentile
3. Linguistic Percentile
4. Logical Percentile

Now, I was pretty sure #2 would be one of my lower scores, and I was right about that. I only made the 80th percentile. The summary said: "The visual-spatial component of intelligence measures your ability to extract a visual pattern and from that envision what should come next in a sequence. Your score was relatively high, which could mean that you're the one navigating the map when you're on an outing with friends. You have, in some capacity, an ability to think in pictures. Maybe this strength comes out in subtle ways, like how you play chess or form metaphors."

All of that to say I can read maps. Wahoo. Something came out of Girl Guides after all. Okay, I'm shit with charting and navigating by a compass. So how can I improve my VS abilities?

Playing chess, or video games like Tetris Does Mahjong count? 'Cos I kick ass obsessively with that game. But my nephew can kick my ass at chess so I don't like it anymore. Getting beaten by a six-year-old at a strategy game is just humiliating.
Studying maps and become the navigator on your next trip Duh people. You think I let evil Kev play with maps while he's driving? Thanks for the tip.
Sculpting or photography Can anyone figure out why I'm laughing about this one? Sheesh. I mean, I only was a professional photographer... But maybe I'll try sculpting. Or how about wood carving? Yep, the thought of me playing with knives warms many a heart, I'm sure.

#4 Now, if I showed this to evil Kev*, he'd be astounded by this one:

"You scored in the 90th percentile on the logical intelligence scale. Your logic score was relatively high, which could mean that when the car breaks down, your friends look to you to help figure out not only what's wrong, but how to fix it and how you're going to get to the next gas station."

I wouldn't help them. I'd sit there and watch them all do stupid things and laugh to myself, getting ideas for a story. I mean, the best way to get inspiration is to watch other people face adversity. Particularly if it isn't too serious, but they're dumb enough to make it commical.

This might be why I have no friends.

Seriously, I love pointing out all the completely inept, stupid things people do on tv. But me as a super-logical person? I don't know about that one. I mean, sometimes I miss blatantly obvious things.

So how can I put myself over the top in this category?

Trying some brain teasers Na na na na, stupid Sandra brain. Hmm, nope. Don't feel more logical.
Throwing away the instructions and relying on instinct to fix something F@*K ME! Why the hell would I do such an ILLOGICAL thing? 'Ah, no honey, I didn't think it might be important to have to know how to fix the dishwasher. And why do you need instructions for how to build those IKEA desks? I know you don't have a picture but can't we just play around with the pieces and see what fits? WHAT AM I? A MASOCHIST**?

#3 I'm a bit concerned by my score here. "You scored in the 80th percentile on the linguistic intelligence scale. Your score was relatively high, which could mean you know your way around a bookstore and maybe like to bandy about the occasional 25-cent word to impress friends."

25-cent word? Who's impressed by those? Damn, you need a loonie's worth to even make an eyebrow twitch. 25 cents isn't even enough for a bloody phone call on a pay phone!

So how can I improve my linguistic skills?

Here are some everyday mental exercises that will be particularly helpful to you:
Doing crossword puzzles Which is only good if you know a lot about one particular subject. I'm terribly with tv shows and the names of alleged celebrities. Anyone know if there's a good method of murder crossword collection out there, maybe some true crime puzzles about massacres?
Start reading just for fun Uh, yeah, because really, I'm just reading The Touch of Ghosts at the moment because John threatened me with a whip if I didn't read his books. Yep, I'm under duress. Hell, that's why I read all those blogs. It's self abuse, I tell you.
Befriending your dictionary Okay, now self abuse really would be reading the dictionary for fun. Maybe get some popcorn and have a whole family night. I have the frickin' thing on my desk and use it daily, as well as my thesaurus. I'm not going to start sleeping with it. Sheesh.
The next time something breaks, try reading the instruction book first Oh, yeah, because I thought your other suggestion about throwing out instruction manuals was so brilliant - OH WAIT, I didn't. WTF do you people think? 'Honey, my Rodeo won't go. Maybe we should stand in the garage and stare at it and see if we get a flash of inspiration, some mystical answer from the Isuzu SUV spirits about the karmic imbalance that's throwing it out of whack. OF COURSE I read the instruction manuals!

So, what about mathematical intelligence, you ask?

90th percentile. "Your mathematical intelligence score represents your combined ability to reason and calculate. You scored relatively high, which means you're probably the one your friends look to when splitting the lunch bill or calculating your waitresses' tip. You may or may not be known as a math whiz, but number crunching might come a little easier to you than it does others."

That sounds more like the six-year-old nephew Athaniel than me. But wait! It gets better!

Your Intellectual Type Is:
"You've got a very experiential way of learning and a strong mathematical mind. You're able to whittle even the most complex situation down to comprehensible component parts. In short, you have mastered the art and science of precision. That's what makes you a Precision Processor.

For you, life is a series of equations. Your brain is naturally predisposed to intense mathematical acuity, and your understanding of numerical problems is unparalleled. It's second nature for you to cut to the heart of an issue, so that you can discover quick solutions to problems while others get bogged down in unnecessary details."

I'm a PP? Okay, take my IQ scores and add in my Irish temper and my general easy-going disposition, plus my knack for sarcasm, and this is NOT what you get. A homicidal maniac would likely be closer to the truth. But only when my easy-going disposition has been compromised. Like through marriage.

What did I learn from all of this? Well, my optimum careers would be:
Scientist
Mathematician
Accountant
Data Analyst
Musician
Astronomer
Researcher
Physicist

Some of my greatest talents:
Are resourceful
Are detail oriented
Are highly efficient & economical
Are lightening quick with responses
Think in numbers
Are experimental

It just goes to show that by looking at only one dimension, you get a skewed perspective. After all, evil Kev's IQ score told him his ideal job was a writer. And those of you who've gotten emails from him know he's the illiterate one!

But the test was good for one thing. I'm laughing my arse off. And I have scientific grounds for refusing to let Kev do our budget. Not because I think I can do it better, but because I'm a control freak.


* I asked evil Kev which he thought I'd be highest in and he said, "visual-spatial - there's nothing about you that's logical."

** I asked evil Kev what word he'd use for self torture and he said, "Marriage."

Okay, and for a great laugh, evil Kev took the test. We scored the exact same IQ. Except his high score was linguistic and his lowest score? Logical. I'm still laughing.