We (think we) Can Kick Your Ass John Connolly!

John Connolly mentioned in a panel on the first day of Bouchercon that the wimpiest writers would be on the I Can Kick Your Ass panel.

“We’ve been called wimps,” moderator Kevin Burton Smith said at the beginning of the panel. “And the author made sure we got the message because he told a girl to tell us. Possibly the first one he’s talked to in years.”

The unofficial response from John Connolly is that Kevin’s correct, John doesn’t usually talk to girls. He talks to women, but he didn’t want Kevin to be intimidated.

I have to say that John might have had a point, though. I mean, look at this. Do you think this guy could kick your ass?


I don’t think he could kick a Barbie Doll’s ass. And this one isn’t much better.


He looks like a teddy bear you want to cuddle up with, but I didn’t say that at the panel. His wife was there. Should have taken a picture of her – if she can handle Dusty, she can surely kick ass!



This guy, he could maybe kick a Canadian accountant’s ass. Beyond that, it seems doubtful. (John McFetridge)

The full name of the panel was I could kick your ass (or my character could) and it was looking like John was right. I mean, look at the moderator – he could give you a hickey, but an ass whooping?


I had to see if we could elicit a tough guy response from any of them, and the declared “baby” of the panel came through.



Much better. Amazing the difference a wedgie makes to facial expressions.

However, it couldn’t be called the wimpy panel, not with Michael A Black on it.



Now, I believe Michael could kick anyone’s ass. The thought of John calling Michael a wimp is a wee bit amusing, since I think John only comes up to the name tag, although for some reason, John was reluctant to pose for a photo.*

In all seriousness, Brett did a great job on the panel and had a fantastic line. As he pointed out, his character (in his debut book, The Cleaner) “can kick your ass and then clean it up and no one will ever know he’s been there.” Brett’s book is about an anti-CSI guy who destroys evidence after people have been killed. I think he has a product placement contract with Mr. Clean. ☺

When JD Rhoades was asked what made his characters tough he said, “Mental illness.”

Now, I actually had a fantastic time meeting Dusty and his wife, and later spent a long time in the bar talking to Kevin Burton Smith. This was a great panel, I really enjoyed.

But what’s not to like about watching Brett squirm and be called a baby?


There were a lot of great panels I attended, and it would be hard to recap them all in one sitting. This is a tough conference for me to pin down in any one cohesive post, so there will be a few more days of posts to come.

I’ll be talking much more about Cornelia Read and Anne Frasier. I’ll talk about Julia Buckley. I’ll also delve into reviewing ethics and Casa Jordan. Tomorrow I’m posting at Killer Year, and I might even talk about Marcus Sakey’s briefs and how I woke Sean Chercover up every day of the convention.

And I think you already know why Jess Lourey is calling me Spanky.

I’ll be putting up some of the best lines and highlights. At the Reacher Creature party, Marcus asked what my highlight was, and Ken Bruen and Denise Mina were competing for top spot there.

But I definitely know the funniest thing someone said to me, and I’ll share it now. I met some wonderful people via DorothyL, and these ladies were fantastic, let me just say that now. The one woman said to me she was surprised at my age, that she thought I’d be about ten years older. Of course I was taking that as a compliment, until she asked, “So how old are you? 24? 25?” That’s when I said, “No, I am ten years older.”

We had a great laugh about it, and it really is a compliment. It means I look ten years younger than I am.

Or maybe I act ten years younger. Hmmmm.

Julia Buckley has numerous wonderful photos she’s been posting over the past three days already – be sure to check them out!

And all you shy folk should read Anne’s post on an introvert’s perspective. You might also find this post amusing as well as this one if you’d like to see what Duane Swierczywonderboy and Anne Frasier have to say about me.

I’ll be picking on Cheeseheadboy more later this week as well. In fairness, I have to give him a chance to get back to the seedy part of Scotland so he can defend himself. (Do hope you’ve had safe travels back to Dundee, Russel.)

I have mega reading material, including the ARC of Hard Man by Al Guthrie. I am really looking forward to that. Duane Swiercawhatchamacallum gave me an ARC of The Blond and I am already hearing that it’s even better than Wheelman, so I am eager to read it as well.

Plus, I have an ARC of Big City, Bad Blood by KY bad boy Sean Chercover (below with yours truly and Ken Bruen).
Sean really does take more clothes than a woman to these things. I have photographic evidence, but more on that another day.

And, probably on the Killer Year blog tomorrow I’ll have more serious reflections. Could be my shortest post ever!

Oh, and I’ll have photos of TRIBE! I haven’t wanted to delve into that too much, but what a treat to meet Tribe! And he did smack my ass with a Murdaland magnet, although he denies it. It’s the age, I think. Not his fault the alcohol and years filter some things out. We all still love Tribe!

And to answer a question from yesterday, you don’t have to be drunk to get kisses. I wasn’t. We all know I’m a very good girl.



Linwood Barclay, moi, John McFetridge



Quertermous Rickards me again, and some guy who wasn't pinching my ass. I swear.

I tell you, it's like a wedding. By the end of the weekend you're so sick of smiling!

* John is a great guy. I’m sure he knows I’m joking… Right John? I have to think about my own safety here, because he’s the one who talked about shooting people who’re rude on cell phones and duct taping people to poles and such.