Last week something that happened left me feeling as though the wind had been knocked out of me.
Others who’d witnessed the exchange told me not to worry about it, but I couldn’t let it go. It lingered in the back of my brain and gnawed at me, and at first, I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why.
Then I had an epiphany.
I realized this person thought I was an idiot. Because someone with only two working brain cells wouldn't have done what this person thought I did. The automatic gut reaction I had at the time was, “You can’t be serious. Do you think I’m stupid?”
I never said that, though. Instead, I’ve just been stewing about it.
It’s culminated to the point where it’s contributed to depression. Because I realized that, while I might not be stupid, I am foolish. I exert a lot of energy trying to help others with their careers. And have never thought to regret that. Until now.
It’s all brought me to this lovely moment, where I find myself wondering why I’m even in this crazy business. There are definitely people out there who will use you to the fullest extent possible and then spit you out and shit all over you.
That's why I'll always talk up people who are generous and sincere and wonderful. When good guys succeed, the world's a better place for all of us.
There are a lot of other reasons why it feels pretty pointless today. Let me put it to you this way. When I agree to take books for Spinetingler, I don’t care if it’s the first book or the fifteenth by the author. I don’t care if it’s been blurbed by every shining star in the genre or by nobody. If the book sounds interesting and one of our reviewers wants it, we take it.
It’s that simple.
But that’s definitely not a universal truth you can apply across the board.
I’m going to be off the blog for a couple of days and hope to see you all when I’m in a better mood.
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10 comments:
Much love and positive energy to you! :)
I get frustrated often as well when I give to people a lot and am generous to them with my help and expect the same respect/attitude back and often I don't find it. It makes you not want to give and be open and generous to people, but at the same time I like that about myself so I'm not going to change it.
I'm not really sure if I have the solution to this since I still struggle with it.
Sandra there are some rotton eggs out there but just remember all the good eggs! Like you Sandra, you are a good egg. You give of yourself and help make the world a better place. So just remember all the positive, wonderful eggs out there and try your best to ignore the crappy, stinky eggs. I know it's hard but they are worth your time worrying about them. Some eggs are just nasty and there isn't anything you can do about it except not let them get you down.
And that is my egg analogy for today. Tomorrow it's brussel sprouts. :)
And of course I meant they aren't worth your time worrying about them!
I always think of the Garth Brooks song The Change - I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.
I don't think I'd want to stop being giving and generous. But every now and again, I think I should consider more carefully who I give to.
Oh, I'm looking forward to Brussel Sprouts Andrea! Can't wait to see what you do with that!
You can chop them up into small bits and fry them in butter with a little bacon, maybe some chopped walnuts as well. Mmmm. Sprouts.
It's very hard to go on giving when people start taking you for granted, or worse. But you can't help who you are, and you are a very giving person, Sandra. For what it's worth, I'm very grateful to you for publishing my last short story, and in deed for creating Spinetingler and this blog in the first place.
So you are appreciated, and if some people think you're an idiot, then that doesn't say much about their own intelligence now, does it?
People think I'm an idiot all the time. of course, in my case they're right. Fuck 'em. Opinions are like assholes. Everyody's got them.
But...you aren't an idiot, Stephen!
And James, I'm just glad that story came to us! I can't wait until you do a novel with McLean!
And it's even more frustating when your blog gets spammed.
Sandra, I believe that every sincere and generous thing you do for others comes back to you in some way--maybe not from same person and maybe not right away, but eventually.
Hope you feel better soon.
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