What the hell is wrong with spanking?
This is what I'm left to wonder, after being informed that the Bouchercon conference hotel computers blocked out my blog for referencing a smack on the ass yesterday. A smack on the ass was all - I didn't even mention the late-night strip-tease, skinny dip and the effects of cold water on a man's body. Of course, I wasn't there for that, I just heard about it, but it has been one of THE stories of B'con.
Which possibly explains why some people who drank a lot on Friday weren't drinking on Saturday.
I'd love to tell you all about Brett Battles' panel, but I won't just yet. Because I have the pictures, and you need to hear the story in full. Let's just say John Connolly, if you're done with the facial, you might want to check out my blog this week. Well, okay, I didn't say that... It was Kevin Burton Smith.
And I'm paraphrasing. Kind of.
Saturday was a whirlwind. I could tell you about the farmer's market and the man chanting 'peace to Minnesota' and the debate about whether we should tell him he's in the wrong state, but that was just how the day started. You feel like you've lived ten weeks packed into a day and it takes a while to absorb it all.
But I'm going to say a few things about what I'll talk about in the next few days.
1. Denise Mina. Finally met her and had a chance to chat with her in the bar, and no wonder other authors gush over her. She's been described as a 'Scottish Ian Rankin' but that really doesn't quite cut it.
I'm not kidding. Exactly.
2. People really do go up to Val McDermid after her panels and ask if they can touch her.
3. Giles Blunt is such a great guy, I'm so glad I got to meet him.
4. Robert Fate - wow. Thanks for dinner.
5. The reviewing ethics panel is still one of my highlights of the whole event, and it was standing room only. I'll definitely talk more about that in the days ahead.
6. I've heard Marcus Sakey has a nice ass. And I've heard a few things about his underwear.
7... You know, I think I'm going to stop. I have to go pack/check out etc. And the list would be SO long. There have been a lot of highlights to this weekend and I'm so glad I decided to come.
Even if Jan Burke stood me up. Huh. Better go track her down.
Oh, and Alex Brett is fantastic. Really - I adore her.
In the midst of all the craziness, the inside jokes, the things that happened at the Reacher Creature party I hope nobody was sober enough to remember, Tribe trying to look down my shirt and all of that, I have to say it's worth it just to touch base with friends. I am so glad to finally meet Laura Lippman in person, and Denise Mina, Jan Burke, Cornelia Read and so many, many others, but I am also so glad to have a chance to catch up with Mark Billingham.
If I had a list of regrets, it's that Stuart MacBride and Simon Kernick aren't here. It is, more than anything, the people who impress you at these events, and it's hard not to miss absent friends.
I now look forward to the last few panels, driving back to Casa Jordan and flying from Milwaukee. Sounds like I'm on the same flight to Toronto as John McFetridge, who is absolutely incredible and I do hope we get a chance to chat more.
And I wasn't drunk last night. No matter what anyone says, I wasn't.