Some business toys are more fun than others, presumably

It’s official: ”Prostitutes, strippers and lap dancers can claim tax deductions for adult toys and lingerie, officials said Friday, as the Australian Taxation Office issued a list of deductible items for the sex industry.

“Condoms, lubricants, gels and oils are among a myriad of other items that these workers can claim against tax” and they can also claim the cost of dance lessons.

Now, I must protest. These ladies, plying their trade, are entitled to tax write-offs up the wazoo…

But what about the romance and erotica writers?

This is blatant discrimination. Oh, sure sure, it’s fine if you actually take money for the physical act of sex, but what if your money comes as a result of portraying sex in an entertaining fashion through the intelligent medium of the written word?

I mean, it’s called research, right? Can anyone write a good sex scene if they’ve never had any? And how do you know the relative merits of one brand of condoms over another if you haven’t had some first-hand experience?

I’m sure that those who write on the steamy side routinely stock up on all the new toys and try them out so they can figure out which is most appropriate for their latest novel. It’s getting into character, right? In murder mysteries, it’s essential to get the police procedure or forensics information correct. But for the up-close-and-personal writers, I can only imagine that they must have to focus their research in other directions.

Now, I have to wonder, if you were writing a book on the ladies of the night, would procuring their services be a tax write-off? And how does this work, exactly? You exchange cash and receipts before bodily fluids?

Now, at the same time that the Australian ladies are reaping the rewards of law changes, Scotland’s pole dancers and strippers are fighting proposed no-touch zones and legislation changes they fear will push lap dancing clubs and such underground.

Some of Australia’s private entertainers might decide to travel to Edinburgh anyway. Strip-tease dance classes in the Scottish capital are now all the rage.

What I really want to know is, do you get to wear a bodysuit under your layers for this, or do they really get you down to your bare essentials in class?

Wonder if they allow spectators. Not that I’m thinking of checking any of the courses out when I’m in Edinburgh in July. No, I shall be focusing my energy on drinking in the OX and trying to interpret the language.

And I wonder how long it will be before sex education classes include a live demonstration and an opportunity for a practical? I mean, it only stands to reason that if in some places, like Guam, everyone’s required to have experience before marriage, then wouldn’t you think that eventually the western world would catch up?

If a marriage counselor recommends experimentation, are you allowed to write off those gadgets? What if your doctor suggests more recreation to improve your fitness? Would it be fair for aerobics to count but not sex? I mean, they keep saying to pick an activity you enjoy...

Opinions wanted.

Don’t let the fact that it’s Sunday stop you. It’s just a day. So what if sex on Sundays is sacrilegious? It’s just like the old saying – it’ll only seem kinky the first time.

Tomorrow’s post… will contain some special news. And that’s all I’m going to say right now, except that it provides a rare opportunity to see the full-figured me.

Sort of.

But with clothes on, so don’t get too excited.

Philosophies on Exercise

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Guess you actually have to go.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.