Poor poor naive me

The other day, David Terrenoire made one of his usual witty posts, this time about vanity license plates. In it, he mentioned the Hot Carl, Cleveland Steamer and Rusty Trombone.

But he didn’t elaborate on explanations of those terms, which has left me searching through dictionaries, trying to find the answers.

So, I found a site that helps with dictionary definitions.

How will you be defined?

Sandra Ruttan -- [adjective]: Like in nature to a kangaroo 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Hmmmm. Not exactly how I'd describe myself.

So I punched in Rusty Trombone.

Rusty Trombone -- [adjective]: Fuzzy to the touch 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Next it was Cleveland Steamer.

Cleveland Steamer -- [adjective]: Smelling like turnips at all times 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

And finally, Hot Carl.

Hot Carl -- [adjective]: Visually addictive 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Okay, I’m still feeling like I don’t quite understand, given the context of the post, but that’s okay. I’m sweet and innocent and there are some things perhaps I'll never know.

Unless, of course, someone wants to explain in the comments.

Because I’m not a mother so I won’t be offended.

HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES FROM EMERGENCY ROOMS AROUND THE COUNTRY, courtesy of Forrest.

FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. eeewwwww.....

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's
rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!) Gives a new meaning to hemorrhoids, huh?

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Oh my gosh!!!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation,
the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!!! I'm still laughing!!!!

Friendship is like peeing your pants.......
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's true warmth

And from Forrest as well…

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune............

Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello and give you a cart.

Breaking News! New Zealand isn’t for sale. Sorry.

More kitty pictures tomorrow.