Let Down

“To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”*

Yesterday, the friend I met for breakfast said I must be so excited about my book coming out.

More like scared to death is what I told her.

It was a replay, in a way, of a conversation I had with Cornelia a few days ago. Talking about that gut-wrenching fear of letting people down, so afraid people will be disappointed with the book, afraid of making mistakes.

I think it’s natural to feel this way. In fact, the more authors I talk to, the more I realize the really good ones all go through this is varying degrees.

But yesterday, my friend was telling me not to worry about it. And I was thinking, how can you not?

I certainly know not everyone will like my books. People have different tastes. Some reviewers might give it a thumbs up, some might give it a 10 Hurl Buckets Required ranking. So, how do you separate it out in your head?

Then she said something, and she wrote it down for me. It’s now taped to my desk hutch, right above my computer.

I am not responsible for other people’s expectations.

For me, this really helped. I’m going to work as hard as I can to make this the best possible book it can be.

Oh, I want the people I respect to like it. I don’t want them thinking I’m an amateur hack. And it’s hard not to want that peer approval.

But my friend Linda reminded me so something else. “The only two people you need to make happy are yourself and your editor.”

She’s right. And while I certainly care what people think – don’t we all? – the bottom line here is that my concern about meeting expectations was almost paralyzing me. I’d start thinking about book edits and feel nauseas and then start having a panic attack.

Don’t laugh. I know it’s a bit extreme (when am I not?) but I have always been the worst at putting the highest expectations on myself when it comes to the things that are important to me.

And this is very important!

But at the end of the day, if I can please myself, please my editor and know that I've done my very best on this book, that is the only thing I have control over. And I'm going to focus on what's within my power, and trust that that's enough.

Joke courtesy of JT Ellison – don’t forget to check out her post today on Murderati!

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss,
Happy Birthday!"

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok," I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...


On the couch...


Naked.

*Quote from Fred Shero, former Philadelphia Flyers hockey coach