Immaculate Conception*

I’m concerned about the future of motherhood. It started when the the effervescent JD Rhoades informed us earlier this week that the youth of today are having trouble performing sexually.

If more and more children need to be conceived in petrie dishes, will this not give rise to a new holiday, Doctor Creator Day? It seems the number of children who not only need to thank Mom and Dad for their babymaking efforts, but some guy in a white coat as well.

And let’s face it – kids have a limited cash supply. How can they coat with moms, dads and special doctors? Not to mention grandparents, and siblings, and they can’t mooch off mom and dad because the parents are broke from paying for the costly in vitro procedure…

Just this week, the news broke that the first so-called designer baby has been conceived in the UK. The mother has a form of cancer that can be passed on, and using in-vitro fertilization and by isolating genes relating to cancer, the doctors involved believe this child will not only be cancer-free, but able to have children without the fear of passing on cancer.

I’m not sure what I think about it all, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. I’ve worked with some children who started life in a dish, and they’re like any other child – warm, loving, delightful, the bright light in their parent’s lives. The idea they’re ‘out of God’s grace’ and soulless is crap.

I guess that if, as JD asserts, the youngsters of today are having more trouble in the bedroom, I suppose we should be glad that somebody’s capable of propagating the species.

And just hope that science is used responsibly and not for evil ends. I did my grade 13 English term paper on infertility and the Baby M case, and I read The Boys From Brazil. I know it’s bathtub literature, but that book still creeped me out. If you haven’t read it, it’s an interesting story, well before its time.

But in a small bit of good news for Canadian parents hoping to adopt children from overseas, our new illustrious prime minister is planning legislation to streamline the process and make it easier. Welcome news to many, I’m sure. I also know people who’ve adopted from overseas.

So, if you want to chat about science and conception or the weather, I’ll be around for the morning. Listening to Blue Rodeo, who happen to be touring the UK at the moment, and will be in Glasgow on Tuesday.

I like Glasgow. But it’s Edinburgh I look forward to revisiting most. Ah, how many weeks until my plane departs?

Of course, London feels comfortable to me, for I’ve been there more than any other single place outside of Canada, though you can never see it all.

But I digress. I suspect most of you will be off doing the ‘mother’s day’ thing, so for those of you old enough to remember, I bring you:


How you know you were a child of the 70’s

You had that Fisher Price Doctor 's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.


You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.

You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels. ...or rubber wheels with fun fur skate covers....



You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!)

You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.

You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days. YEAH! ~ You owned a "Slip-n-Slide",on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once.


You owned "Klick-Klacks" and smacked yourself in the face more than once.


You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie," not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill". People sometimes thought you were a boy.


Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.

You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.


You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon. (I still love Simon! If only I could find it…! But I’m a bit obsessive that way. I love mahjong)

You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits.

You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.

You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson!

Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.

You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.

You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic. With the thermos inside!


You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.

It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!

You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry. Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy..?"

You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.

You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.

You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!

You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.

You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.



You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret for girls, Then Again Maybe I Won’t for boys or girls who wanted to learn about boys)

You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. – It wasn’t?


You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.

You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.

Fess up. Bring back any memories?

Kitty pictures!





* I picked the title for today’s post not for religious reasons, but simply because conception in a dish is a lot less messy than the fun kind.