FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY
Day 183 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
I’m convinced we have the strangest cats alive.
I’ve had plenty of pets in my life, and about 10 cats over the years. Currently, we’re a three dog, three cat household.
No plans for three kids, thank you very much.
Our cats are all unique, all bizarre. Rascal and Buttons were from the same litter. I remember when we used to worry about little Raz not getting enough to eat because he was so docile and Buttons so bossy, especially at dinnertime.
Clearly, we were borrowing trouble.
Then we added Skittles to the mix, and he’s been a character since day 1.
And the worst thing is, he’s popular. Um-hum, yep. Popular.
How do I know this?
He has a better social life than I do.
Skittles was invited to join a forum on Catster. That’s right, an email comes to my inbox, addressed to the taffy-eyed prankster of our house, asking him if he’d like to join a special forum club.
For cats named after food.
Which leaves me to wonder what they’ll think of next. Will it be phone calls for playdates with neighbourhood cats that don’t have siblings and need help being socialized before school?
PJ O’Rourke, Modern Manners, 1983:
Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have.
Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal and lazy.
It’s easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America’s favourite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs.
Cats cannot be made to do anything useful.Other than, of course, jumping off Christmas trees and on to someone's head, which provided much entertainment in a "no, we're not laughing at you, we're laughing near you" kind of way.
What do you guys think the choice of pet says about the owner?
Right now, I'm thinking with 6 pets we're clearly outnumbered, and insane.
Especially when the cat forces its way between my legs when I'm sleeping and instead of booting the cat, I carefully extricate an appendage and shift into a really uncomfortable position so the cat can have the spot it wants and not be disturbed.
I mean, they sleep 18 hours a day, and I'm lucky to get 7. Am I mad?