Friday, March 24, 2006

Something to Sink Your Claws Into

Well, yet another week has reached an end, and you’ve all rushed here with baited breath, anxious for the Friday Funnies.

Only to hear me whine.

Because Skittles is so popular, he’s been invited to join another freakin’ forum on catster.

This one? Cookie and Candy Cats.

Guess that explains why Buttons (www.catster.com/?149125) has more ‘pal’ invitations and Skittles gets invited to more play groups: nobody’s got a Sewing Kitty Club out there. Yet.



And it gets better. Skittles has received a ROSETTE now too. Lord, what next? He’s a prize-winning pin-up cat that eats Mark Billingham’s books, which I consider very naughty. (www.catster.com/?160409)

Not as bad as Nootka (www.dogster.com/?149028) eating half the cover of Laura Lippman’s Every Secret Thing, though. Laura might forgive the cute pooch, but I’ll never forget. Had to replace that out of my allowance.

What I don’t understand is, why hasn’t somebody at least started a fat cat support group for Rascal (www.catster.com/?149129) to join? He has feelings too. Come on cat lovers, you’re letting me down.



But fear not, for it is Friday, and though there has been angst this week in my life, we will still have laughter. Because without the sorrows of life, the joys would not exist.

The pain makes the happy days all that much sweeter, yaddi yadda. I’ll spare you, because I’m not Cliché Boy. Nope, I’m a damn site more original than that. My characters are screwed up and have 11 toes. HAH!

The Funny Cats video is there for your entertainment. And believe me, it has some classic moments.

Of course, the Please Adopt Pinkey video is not to be missed, especially if you want to see a grown man scream. (Though if swearing offends you, cover your ears at the end. Clearly this poor assaulted gentleman didn’t consider the delicate sensibilities of some mystery writers who believe in using fair words.

I mean, these videos may not be as funny to some of you meanie-heads as me being sprayed by Skittles last week, but still. Pretty funny.

Like seeing Stuart get clawed by Grendel.



From Cats to Dachshund’s
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and re moved his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dogfight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of its cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.

Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a wiener dog."


THE WHY'S OF MEN

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
Because they are plugged into a genius.

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
They don't have enough time.

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
They don't stop to ask directions.

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
Because their balls fall over their butts and they vapor lock. You're laughing, aren't you?

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktails parties.

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

15 comments:

Bernita said...

That cat has claws on my heart.
Those jokes made me call 911 - for resusitation.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Just think of the poor fella trying to market Pinkey there!

It seems so wrong to laugh at another's pain. But not Stuart's!

Erik Ivan James said...

HAHAHA What makes these 'men' jokes so hilariously funny is that they are in part based on truth.HAHAHAHA.

Sandra Ruttan said...

You mean a vibrator really can't mow the lawn?

Damn, there goes that idea.

JamesO said...

I thought Buddug* was stupid, but some of those cats make her look quite bright. Doesn't do much for the owners, though.

*it's pronounced bythig and it's Welsh for Victoria - derived from Boudicca or Boadicea

Boy Kim said...

Hmmmmmm.

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

Vapor lock?

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

jason evans said...

You mean a vibrator really can't mow the lawn?

If they did, they'd be called electric shavers.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Wonder what Boy Kim's humming about.

James, I've heard cats take on the personality of their owner.

Yeah Dana, LOL!

Jason, well, I'm just... Did you really post that? Is it a full moon tonight or something?

JamesO said...

No, that's not right. Cats don't have owners; they just let us hang around with them. It's far more likely that people take on the personality of their cats.

Which might explain a few things.

And somewhere out there is an agency matching people and dogs together - I want a job with them;}#

Sandra Ruttan said...

So, would Stuart get a bloodhound then?

Trace said...

Aaaaw! I love those kitty pics!

Boy Kim said...

It wasn't anything to do with the post, my dear Sandra.

I really did say "hmmmmm" at something that happened here, and thought I'd save an online record of it.

Kate said...

Sandra said, "James, I've heard cats take on the personality of their owner."

James said, "It's far more likely that people take on the personality of their cats."

Either way it's a problem for me. I have two cats with completely different personalities.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Yeah, you know what he's really saying? That when someone takes a Christmas tree down, Stuart's going to jump on their shoulders and claw their head.

And even I don't think Stuart's that crazy.