Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Because perverted lawyers need to make a living too...

Since I primarily write police procedurals, a friend asked me about how I deal with getting my facts straight. We got talking about law and accuracy and how I research, and I started telling her some of my more bizarre discoveries.

Like the fact that in the province of British Columbia, it’s illegal to kill a Sasquatch.

Which my friend found surprising, since there’s no such thing.

“Ah,” Wise Sandra said in response, “but when the law was put into place, they wanted to err on the side of caution and not have it executed if there really were sasquatches.”

This, of course, led right to a discussion about Weird Sex Laws

For example:
In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage.
It really was a man’s world.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry.
You know, there is a certain logic to the law. That way, nobody’s going to get into a bad marriage just to have sex. But why not just screw around with your sweetheart for free, and skimp on the STD potential?

In London, it's illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

There goes that fantasy.

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

Wonder how popular China is as a honeymoon destination.

In Indiana, mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans."
Finally, a law that makes some sense! Could they ban beards as well?

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.
I’m not even going to ask…

Up until 1884, a woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.
I’m sure this is why some women were pragmatic enough to turn a blind eye to the occasional indiscretion or investment in a hooker.

An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."
What can you say to this? I mean, really?

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
There are a lot of criminals in Washington, I’m sure.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
Somewhere, there’s an animal rights group that’s trying to restore these liberties, I’m sure.

Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England—but only in tropical fish stores.
So, any guy in Liverpool that collects tropical fish could have ulterior motives.

It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down" in Birmingham, England.
Because they’d rather be able to get a good visual in daylight, I’m sure.

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
Damn those multi-taskers.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).
That explains all those teenagers driving over the border to BC for an hour…

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
Because, you know, the picture might see something it shouldn’t. I mean, seriously people, WTF?

In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
Talk about dating a prick…

You can find more laws here.

Now, if any of you have a more plausible explanation for any of these – or the other – strange sex laws (like the one that forbids having sex while wearing socks) – I’d love to hear them…

32 comments:

Bonnie Calhoun said...

those are way too funny, but I want to know...what kind of fish can't the guy have sex with?

Sandra Ruttan said...

You know Bonnie, I'm not sure I want to know...

I'll never look at a goldfish the same way again. At least, not in that state.

Boy Kim said...

Simple answer. Just kill the fish, then have sex with it. Easy.

Then eat it.

Daniel Hatadi said...

Imagine combining the laws so that EVERYONE had to prostitute themselves before marriage. Capitalism to the extreme. Then they'd probably have to introduce sex harm minimisation laws (to help all the poor addicts).

On top of all this, the guy's name is Fuqua? How does one pronounce that?

Stuart MacBride said...

"Finally, a law that makes some sense! Could they ban beards as well?"

NO! So stop asking. You're not getting to see my naked chin. You're a married woman for God's sake!

I'm going to tell EvilKev...

John R. said...

Finally, a law that makes some sense! Could they ban beards as well?

Turkmenistan is the place for you. Beards are banned, as is ballet and a load of other whacky stuff.

Bernita said...

~anxiously~
We can still walk around bare-breasted in this country, can't we Sandra?

JamesO said...

Oddly enough, Tibet is one of the few places where polyandry is legal(or at least it used to be before the Chinese took over). There several men, generally brothers, would marry the same wife. Adds a whole new dimesion to the expression 'marrying into the family'.

JamesO said...

that's 'dimension' of course. Damn my cold fingers.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Bernita, ""Female breasts," according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don't constitute "private parts" under state law." Time for you to move to Arizona.

Daniel, the name's part Canadian. Fuk - U- eh (even I'm groaning)

Stuart, make sure you never turn your back on your drink at Harrogate or you might wake up with a surprise! (Not from me, though - I only heard some were considering this option.)

I'm not big on ballet either, John. Might indeed be the right place for me!

James, that's just bizarre.

I'm of the firm belief one man is enough. Unless he runs out of money.

Bernita said...

Arizona?
I thought we could here, in Ontario at least.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Honestly, I don't know.

It's much easier to find out the US and international sex laws than the Canadian ones! We're a nation of prudes.

Boy Kim said...

I see how it is. You respond to everybody that posted except me.

Fine!
PFFT!
and even HMPH!

Sandra Ruttan said...

Well sweetie, I don't like fish.

And personally, I don't think it's a good prospect for you. Can't you get a gopher or something?

Stephen Blackmoore said...

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

Wonder how popular China is as a honeymoon destination.


I wonder how they know.

In Indiana, mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans."

So it's okay if they mack on goats? yeah, that sounds about right for Indiana.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

I feel sorry for the cop who has to enforce that one.

Talk about dating a prick

Oh, now was that one really necessary?

Sandra Ruttan said...

Yeah, but how about this one Stephen:
"No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth."

How would they know?

And I'm not even posting the mutual masterbation laws...

And yes, that was necessary. Though I suspect a porcupine would be more cuddly and preferable to some of the guys I've dated...

Boy Kim said...

A gopher?
As a pet?
Or for sex?
Or to eat?
Or probably all three?

Sandra Ruttan said...

You know, in Peru you can get roasted guinea pig for dinner.

Not sure about the sex though.

M. G. Tarquini said...

They are not considered 'private parts' for purposes of breastfeeding. Believe you me...you go wandering around these here parts with your breasts hanging loose and you gonna be talking to the judge.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Why? He likes to inspect personally?

Erik Ivan James said...

Samdra, do you really want my "Just For Men" natural deep brown beard banned? I just figured out the right mixture combination!

Sandra Ruttan said...

Beards should be banned for anyone who plans on habitually kissing me.

Beards and all forms of facial hair, especially the gotee, because that's the facial hair of satan.

And I still don't understand why a guy would want facial hair that resembles a goat's face anyway.

Erik Ivan James said...

Samdra, will you endure a hug and peck on the cheek?

Sandra Ruttan said...

Oh, I suppose...

(Just kidding! As in I will. Endure, that is.)

Gabriele C. said...

There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins.

So, that's where Auel got her Jondalar character from.

Sandra Ruttan said...

The blog's all about cultural enlightenment today.

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

I think the Chinese are breaking lots of laws, I mean, if there's 1 out of every 4 persons on the earth who's Chinese, then...

Anyway, can you imagine being one of those guys at the groceries stores who stop you and ask, "Will you please sign this petition to STOP folks from having sex with porcupines? It's an important cause."

And yes, Sandra, I feel very, um, enlightened by your post today.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Well, you know Dana, I am trained in the field of education...

JamesO said...

Which reminds me of a crap joke:

Why did the farmer win the nobel prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

(boom boom)

Sandra Ruttan said...

Okay James, WHAT happened to your other brilliant post? Blogger eating your words again?

Joke made me smile, though.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Oh, never mind...now I know where it went to...

Albert-qQO said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.