Friday, April 21, 2006

Sandra's sexy slogans, and then some

This has been a weird week. I’ve confused people over noir and tried to psychoanalyze my own bizarre reading habits. All I’ve concluded is that I’m weird, but at least I’m making a concentrated effort to branch out. I have Denise Mina, Karin Slaughter, Steve Mosby and Lesley Horton in the tbr pile. Not inferring Steve's a woman. Just that there's diversity in what I've got to look forward to.

But despite the report of one heroic cat, courtesy of Kate, I’m still not keen on cat mysteries. I like cats. I have three. But none solve crimes and they only catch flies.

You can always tell when I’m a bit bummed. I start rearranging my office or redesigning the blog. An effort to fix my internal discontent by adjusting the physical? Aw, who the hell knows?

But thanks to Rockrebel, from the Billingham Talk Zone, I have been able to find the perfect slogan for my name.

What did I get when typed “Sandra Ruttan” in the little box?

Melts In Your Sandra Ruttan, Not In Your Hand.

Evilkev tried again and got, “Have you forgotten how good Sandra Ruttan tastes?”

I wonder if the slogan machine's been reading my blog. Or if it was programmed by Boy Kim.

It should never spew out such lines just before dinner.

And in rare form, I leave you with one joke. If you need more of me, there’s a link in the post below. Or email. I like getting nice email. But then, hate mail is occasionally amusing. You can use the stuartmacbride@beardedwonderboy.com account for that, okay? Thanks.


Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes." "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.

"Yes," the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be shit outta luck if he needed glasses."

7 comments:

Sela Carsen said...

Wanna know my shameful secret? I'm addicted to The Cat Who... mysteries. There. I said it. My name is Sela and I love kitty cozies. And I don't even own a cat. They're like eating Cracker Jacks. A little stale, way too sweet, but I'm compelled to finish the box.

Sandra Ruttan said...

You know what Sela? That's cool. That's why I'd rather see more books published - there's something for everyone. What maybe doesn't work for me someone else will love.

Honestly, I used to like lovely books (not erotica, but sweet books - Janette Oke, BJ Hoff) a lot more before I got married.

Interpret that any way you want to!

Boy Kim said...

I couldn't program(me) my way out of a wet paper bag. But I like your...

... thinking.

Anonymous said...
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JamesO said...

I tried the slogan generator a couple of times, but it was way too risque to print. Which made me think about the slogans a bit more - the double entendres there are really quite shocking, and nobody noticed the first time around!

I hate advertising, but I think some UK ads are high art - there are so many layers to them it's quite astonishing. (I can't say much about ads from other countries without descending into parody and stereotype, so I won't start.)

As for Cat mysteries, Buddug is a mystery wrapped up in an enigma, with an extra serving of riddle on the side, but I did enjoy Tad Williams' Tailchaser's Song. Cat fantasy at its best.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Aw, now I have to go try your name in the slogan generator!

Bonnie Calhoun said...

*blush* I can't print what the slogan generator said for me!

But I am going to print that joke...that's cute...with a word change...LOL!