Lazy Sunday

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You know, if I was that old I'd be in a hurry to get everywhere because I'd be afraid of dying en route. Stupid idiot! Oh, you little bitch. Get the fuck out of my way! Oh let me guess. Saskatchewan. I know you've never seen a hill or a curve before but really. See? See that? Should be allowed to pull 'im over, take his license away and beat on him..."

Survived another road trip with evilkev.

We've been doing the road trip thing for over 7 years now. This one wasn't a real road trip. Just a few hours north to Red Deer to meet up with FIL, or Papa Smurf, as Kevin calls him.

A few weeks ago we went to meet up with MIL, and there was a big fire. So, what happens this time?

Chicken truck takes the highway exit too fast and gives new meaning to the idea of drive-through dinner. Knocked the guard rail a good 20 feet off the side of the road deep into the ditch.

Blood and feathers. Yum.

I think we're bad for Red Deer, and I'm convinced that it's a sign we shouldn't go there again soon.

And what are all of you lovelies up to this weekend? I'm replanning my day, since I had the best of intentions. Yep, I was going to start the yard work, but the earth hasn't seen this much rain since the days of Noah.

To All My Online Friends:

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these roducts are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be  pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a  water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this as an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your  head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.