Thursday, April 06, 2006

Give the man a hand, why donkeys are better than women & the price of pregnancy

A teacher in California is reported to be in stable condition after attempting to use an artillery shell to squash a bug, and blowing off part of his hand.

The incident happened during class, in front of approximately two dozen students.

Another teacher has stated they’re certain the victim didn’t believe the round was live.

Now, I have to say that no matter what the teacher thought it’s just pretty damn strange to me that a teacher would think this item would make a good paperweight for his desk at school. I mean, would we expect to see defunct grenades as converted pencil holders?

Imagine if it had been some student playing with that thing. Lawsuit city.

Instead, the guy can’t blame anyone but himself.

Truthfully, the thought processes (or lack of thought) of some people staggers me. Let’s just chalk this up in the “not the brightest idea ever conceived of” category.

I mean, if your child’s teacher had artillery on his desk at school, wouldn’t you be a little concerned? I sure would.

In other news…

Jerry Springer is damn sorry to have missed this baby shower.

Not only was a man shot, but several people – including the seven-months-pregnant guest of honor – were beaten with a stick when a fight over whether a couple let their five-year-old daughter drink beer turned into a brawl.

I don’t need to say anything, do I?

This is why I stay home and only socialize over computers.

Professional protester lives the lives of fictious famous people

Sort of. I’m not sure if he’s just big on Asian prisons, but first Santa Claus, then Spider Man?

I really want to see him try being The Incredible Hulk. Any other nominations?

Book Controversy

A textbook in western India is causing controversy: It compares women to donkeys and finds women aren’t as loyal as the pack animal.

I quote:

"A donkey is like a housewife," declares the Hindi language primer approved by the state of Rajasthan, according to The Times of India newspaper. "It has to toil all day and, like her, may even have to give up food and water."
"In fact, the donkey is a shade better," continues the text meant for 14-year-olds, "for while the housewife may sometimes complain and walk off to her parents' home, you'll never catch the donkey being disloyal to his master.

Of course, people are protesting. Apparently changes to the text are underway.

What I don’t get is the failure of some people to appreciate how controversy and debate can stimulate young minds and generate interest. I just bet that a lot of boys were very keen to read this text when they heard the stir about it.

Okay, granted, the girls might not have been so impressed…

Daughter is Pregnant

A twenty-one-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.

“If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Then you try again."

Yup. Two whole days without sex. Sort of. I’m likely at my limit. But I’m already working ahead to a great new porn post for next week.

Amongst other provocative things. But today, I’ve just been amazed yet again, at the bizarreness in the world.

What do people do that boggles your mind?

And in answer to Bonnie's question, I don't really have a nickname. My husband calls me Bear. Which could be short for unbearable, come to think of it.

Several others have called me bitchy...

Nominations and suggestions will be considered carefully.


Boy Kim said...

I had some mail earlier in the week from my solicitor. Most of it was just more forms to fill in regarding transfer of assets re my divorce. There was, however, an additional single page which, for some reason, my solicitor did not refer to in her cover letter.

Concentrating fully on filling in the forms correctly, I've only just read the additional single page... and it turns out I've been officially divorced since 15th March. Would have been nice of my £150/hour solicitor to have spent 32p on a stamp or 20p on a phone call to tell me this three weeks ago.

Anyway, must dash. Now I'm single again, I'm off to the local community zoo to speed date a few donkeys.

...rushes off, reminding himself "don't touch their knees... whatever you do, don't touch their knees"...

James Goodman said...

would we expect to see defunct grenades as converted pencil holders?

Actually once you break the primary seal on a grenade it is rendered harmless. I have a couple left over from...another life. You twist out the fuse, pour out the gunpowder, drill a hole in the bottom, just to make sure no one tampers with it, then it makes a great motivational tool when I address my guys, pacing back in forth in the conference room while tossing the grenade from hand to hand.

My guys work better than any other department in the entire company.


JamesO said...

This reminded me of my old History teacher at school back in the late seventies. Like most of the older teachers at that school he had served in WWII and was obsessed with the history of the conflict. He used to make models of fighter planes and hang them from the classroom ceiling, and he also had a collection of different rounds, some live, some just spent cases. They lived in a cabinet in the classroom too.

My uncle was captain of a Royal Navy Frigate at the time (HMS Newcastle, which was later given to the New Zealand navy to play with), and I managed to persuade him to let me have a spent case from one of its 20mm Oerlikon cannons.

Giving that to Mr Flindall meant I could get away with almost anything in class afterwards. A lot better value than an apple for teacher;}#

Bernita said...

You mean I shouldn't use a mortar shell as a soor stop - by the stove?

Erik Ivan James said...

I had a donkey once. She was given the name "Gladass" as in; her ass was glad to be there.

A young lady (she named the donkey), who leased a couple of stalls in my barn for her horses, found the donkey badly neglected in someone's field. The young lady climbed over the fence, stole the small donkey, jammed it into the back seat of her turck and brought it to my barn.

Several months later, the young lady married and moved away. She left the donkey with me. Gladass became almost like a dog to me. Loved that little donkey.

Just threw this in since we are, in part, talking about donkeys.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Boy Kim, congrats. Just go easy on the donkeys. You don't want to wind up with a real ass.

James G - sure, maybe harmless, but wouldn't you be a bit concerned if your kid walked into a class completely decorated with converted military gear? Okay, this happened during an adult education class, but it was on computer design, not decorating for vets 101!

James O, you're almost manipulative enough to be a woman.

Bernita - you're catching on!

Erik, congrats. The first man to admit they had a donkey.

What? No nickname nominations? So disappointing.

Boy Kim said...

Oh but I'm an ass man, amongst other things.

And regarding the nicknames, you mean Miss Who?, Sandrabbit and BlabberWoman aren't enough from me?

Sandra Ruttan said...

Yeah, but I don't get Miss Who? Explain yourself!

Sandra Ruttan said...

Maybe I should qualify this by saying A NICKNAME I LIKE!

Boy Kim said...

Miss Who? is from a thread over at OTO's place, when Her Deliciousness posted about "Sandra getting a book deal" or something and I replied with "Sandra who?"

Remember now?

Sandra Ruttan said...

Oh, right.

And I said I wasn't an owl.

Boy Kim said...

And I said "that's good, cos neither am I".

R.J. Baker said...

Wow, such a potpouri of stuff. What to comment on?

No sex in two days? Does that count self service. No cheating.

Donkeys? What's next sheep.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Self service RJ? I'm not a man. Women can go without forever.

I just know I have to keep the regulars happy.

But don't say sheep. Boy Kim will get excited. Being from Wales and all.

JamesO said...

I was going to say that the sheep are all over at my place, but blogger wouldn't let me in:(#

Sandra Ruttan said...

Ah, who says Blogger doesn't have a censor in place?

Trace said...

Wow. That baby shower sounds like a blast. Never mind Jerry. I'm sorry I missed it.

Kate said...

The artillery shell story reminds me of this one:

"A 56-year-old Sydney nudist suffered serious burns trying to set fire to a trapdoor spider he mistook for a funnel-web at a resort in the NSW southern highlands. He ignited petrol poured down its burrow but the fuel exploded and burnt 18 per cent of his body."
The Age Odd Spot

Sandra Ruttan said...

18%. Wonder what parts that covered.

And here I thought all the nudists had to worry about was sunburn.

For The Trees said...

Um, I'm with r.j.:
R.J. Baker said...

Wow, such a potpouri of stuff. What to comment on?

Since I really don't want to put my foot in my mouth again, I think I'm gonna talk about my ex-wife's nickname: Sher-Bear. That's a take-off on a CareBears name from back in the 80s. The Matron of Honor bestowed it on her and it stuck - with me, at least. I've been calling her "Bear" ever since.

Two days without sex reminds me of the sad tale of the guy who went out in his back yard and tried to fly a kite. He'd toss it up and the wind would catch it, but it would spin around and go right into the ground. This happened many times.

His wife, watching him out the kitchen window, thought: Men! You have to tell them everything! So she opened the window and yelled at him.

"You need a piece of tail!"

He turned and looked at her and said, "Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite."

Okay, okay, so I won't come around for a few days...let the steam from everybody's brow evaporate...

Sandra Ruttan said...

Aw, Forrest, I liked your post. Don't leave on account of everyone else! If they can put up with me, they'll like you!

Bonnie Calhoun said...

I like the bear nickname..LOL But are you sure he doesn't mean "Bare"??

Cute joke, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again"