A Very Tasteless (no pun intended) Joke & the ARC contest, day 4

“This is the husband. This is the wood he used to barricade the door to stop us from rescuing his wife, who was inside, on fire. And this is what gay couples who insist on getting married have to look forward to.”

Ah, yes, evilkev has been watching Rescue Me. And it gets worse: He made me watch it.

I’ve been having difficulty with any of those firefighter movies or shows since he joined the department. What the mind can do to you is bad enough when he’s out on a call – I don’t actually need visualizations in my head.

But I have to admit, this show is pretty funny. Guy says his wife’s been yapping at him for 42 years and he decides today’s the day – he’s not going to take it any more. Douses her with kerosene, lights her on fire.

Lovely. My kind of humour. Cynical and dark. This is why I don’t yap at Kevin. I just glare, and occasionally shoot projectiles.

I’m still trying to persuade him to do a ‘life with Sandra’ post. Perhaps I should put up his phone number so you can all call and try to talk him into it?

Another lousy trivia question for that ARC

This question is really easy. What is the name of my debut novel? Email me at sandra.ruttan@spinetinglermag.com and tell me that, and you’ll be entered to win an ARC of my debut novel.

If you didn’t enter yesterday, you need to name three Rankin books, as well as tell me the name of his forthcoming novel to be released in the UK in October.

I’m not sure anyone wants to take responsibility for sending me this one. I’ll be sure to mention their name if they tell me they have no shame.

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.