Friday, March 30, 2007

Whine, Bitch, Laugh (Or Groan)

First, Whine.

NAMING OF THE DEAD took Crime Thriller of the Year at the British Book Awards. Why is this under 'Whine'? Well, thanks to snafus that will make the new Spinetingler a day or two late we'll be able to update the ad for this book to include this information. So blame Ian Rankin, because he was probably conspiring against us so we'd be delayed.

Seriously, it's a mammoth issue, and the more stuff that comes up with the fire department, well... The harder it is to get it all done. But it should be up this weekend. My blog isn't uploading to Crimespot for some reason, so we'll see how I do getting word out when the issue is up...

Bitch.

Again, Rankin related. Yep, full-on grumble on my part. Someone goes on a Rebus discussion list, says they're a journalist writing an article on the Rebus books and could we help them with some background? Some of the questions:

- How old is Rebus at Knots and Krosses, how old is he now?
- Has he ever been married? Any kids?
- Has he ever had a lover in one of the books?
- How is his health?
- favourite Bands (I know about the Stones, and Dylan, of course)

I could answer these... but I won't. You see, the journalistic side of me kicks into high gear. Do your research. Don't expect us to do it for you. Anyone can do a google search and read a few interviews with Rankin and answer a lot of these questions. Not to mention troll through the discussion group's archives and find answers to a lot of these.

Answers off a listserv aren't exactly credible quote sources. And asking a bunch of people to tell you without checking the books and interviews to get sourced answers from Rankin himself is just plain lazy. Should have lied and said he was new to the books and wondering about the following. Tell me you're a journalist and doing an article and expect me to provide the background for you? Nah. Not happening. I mean, there's only a whole friggin' site that lists all the music from the books, each and every one, chapter by chapter. Could it be any easier?

(See, I'm a bitch...)

And laugh. Or groan, depending on your opinion...

Why did the chicken cross the road? (From Norby)

Jessica Simpson’s Answer:

Why would he be on a road? I thought chickens lived in the ocean.

Homer Simpson’s Answer:

There was free beer on the other side of the road.

Bill Cosby’s Answer:

Weeelll, ya see, the chicken crossed the road, and to get…to…the jello pudding pops.

Isaac Newton’s Answer:

The duck suggested to the chicken that they play follow the leader then the duck crossed the road, causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Shakespeare’s Answer:

To cross, or not to cross, that is the question.

John Kerry’s Answer:

I agree that the chicken should cross the road, but I believe that the chicken should not get to the other side…

Moses’s Answer:

And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the chicken “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

The Sphinx’s Answer:

You tell me

Neil Armstrong’s Answer:

To go where no chicken has gone before; That’s one small step for Chicken, one giant leap for Chicken kind!

Al Gore’s Answer:

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

Bill Gates’ Answer:

I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Dr. Seuss’ Answer:

Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, the chicken crossed the road,

But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

Martin Luther King Jr’s Answer:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross the road without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa’s Answer:

In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Jerry Seinfield’s Answer:

Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?”

Albert Einstein’s Answer:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Colonel Sanders’ (the guy from KFC) Answer:

I missed one.

7 comments:

Amra Pajalic said...

That is such a valid grumble. What a lazy arse. You should post your comments on-line. Stuff 'em. Or even better, post the link http://justfuckinggoogleit.com/. I love that link.

Sandra Ruttan said...

I love that link! I've never seen that before.

Yeah, I thought it was pretty damn lazy. I mean, anyone who's read just the first book could answer most of these questions right there...

JamesO said...

It's like the letters and emails we get at work which start 'I am a final year student writing up my dissertation...' and then basically ask you to do it for them. The sad thing is that so many people seem to think this is a valid research method.

Sela Carsen said...

Amra, I've never seen that before, either! Saving it to my favorites list for just such moments now. LOL

norby said...

When I worked at Office Max we would have people call in and ask us to hold something for them at the front desk. No problem. Then all of sudden they had ten or fifteen things they needed. Um, do have any copies you need made while we're at it? It was always a pleasure to say 'I'm sorry, I can't do your shopping for you.'

They're everywhere.

Eileen said...

The chicken road joke may be the highlight of my day. Now I will go forward and butcher the telling of it to others.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Norby, that's what I keep a husband for. ;)

Eileen, some of them are just brilliant. Some are groaners though.