Saturday, March 17, 2007

Happy St. Patrick's Day

There are two basic types of Yoga

One requires much practice, patience, and discipline

Yoga from India


And
Then
There's
Irish Yoga


Courtesy of Norby
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.  

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Final Destination
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this.   You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.   I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Duh
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.   He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney.   "Where are ye callin' from?"
 
Whatcha Drinkin'?
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.   The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Marital Bliss
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch!   What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

Ass-Covering 101

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

7 comments:

SAND STORM said...

and a Happy 17th of Irish to you!


Guinness isn't just for breakfast anymore!

Sandra Ruttan said...

Funny Sand Storm. Enjoy your day!

Bill, the Wildcat said...

haha! Just too damn funny! Thanks for posting all the jokes. Happy St. Patrick's Day, Sandra!

pattinase (abbott) said...

Thanks for an early morning laugh.

Erik Ivan James said...

Ya just can't drink green beer and laugh at the same time! But, the beer did wash the Band-Aids from the mirror.

Blowing a corned beef and gabbage kiss to ya Samdra.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Bill and Patti - you're welcome! Glad you enjoyed.

Erik, it's good something got the band-aids off.

Happy St. Pat's day!

Sanjay said...

He guy is very stagger every style and a happy this my friend.