Failure

It took me fifty long years just to work out that because I was angry didn’t mean I was right.*

If your life isn’t what you want it to be, whose fault is that? You know who is responsible for my failures?

Me. I am.

Okay, I’m not saying there aren’t times we’re sabotaged or that something happens that ruins an opportunity for us, and it may be out of our control. But I am saying that much of the time the reason we don’t achieve our goals is because we don’t believe enough to strive to make them happen.

We give up. We quit. Or we set up roadblocks to our own success.

“Oh, so many other authors don’t get their first book published. I think I’ll go on and write another one,” and that after it took you five years to finish your first attempt. Or, “Well, I know I’ve gone over it four times and had it professionally critiqued but I still don’t think the ms is ready.”

Some people nitpick to the nth degree, and despite encouragement and support from experienced people in the publishing field they resist sending out their work. I once knew someone with an invitation from an editor, who’d read the synopsis and opening chapter, to submit the full. Did they do it?

No.

We are all at risk of playing mind games with ourselves, talking ourselves out of getting things done, because then we’ll have no excuses. If I finish these edits then I’ll have to send it out… If I get an agent I might get a book deal, I don’t think I’m ready… This isn’t a good time for me to get published… I’m not as good as so-and-so… You only have one chance to make a first impression and I want to get it right.

The last thought there has some merit, unless, of course, you’ve had short stories published before. Then you’ve already made your first impression.

I look back on some of my earlier stuff and think what I’m sure many people think - GROAN. I should have done this or that or look at that mistake or that cliché…

It’s all part of the learning process.

I’m sure it’s nice for those people who debut to instant success, but you know what I find myself thinking about? The pressure they’re under. To perform first book out of the gate. The fact that authors don’t get the same learning curve they used to.

You know, you think it would be great to hear people saying your debut is a masterpiece, but then imagine trying to follow it up with something better. How do you top perfection?

I suspect most people here are familiar with a poem, If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. There’s a lot to this.

And now I’m going to say it to myself, and all the infant writers out there like me: If you listen to a lot of negativity you’ll lack optimism. If you believe that you’ll fail, you will.

Just to go supernerd here, there was a great line in Star Trek TNG, from the last episode of the third season, The Best of Both Worlds 1. Captain Picard has been captured by the most deadly enemy to face The Federation yet – the Borg. He’s been assimilated. The Federation is getting its ass kicked and death or assimilation seems imminent. Riker has been left in charge when Guinan delivers the sage advice:

If a man is convinced he’s going to die in the morning he’ll find a way to make it happen.^

Guess what? If you’re set on a course of playing mind games with yourself, persuading yourself you won’t succeed, setting up obstacles to keep you from finishing that manuscript or shopping that manuscript, you are responsible for ensuring you’ll fail.

In extreme odds someone might stumble across a waitress and give her a part in a movie, but there isn’t any way a NY editor is going to trip over your lawn ornaments in Red Deer Alberta and with one look at you be convinced you must be a writer and ask to see your WIP.

You’re only going to get where you’re going if you try. And if you don’t, you’ve got nobody to blame for your failure except the person you see in the mirror every morning.

Just because you’re angry it doesn’t mean you’re right, and just because you’re nervous it doesn’t mean you’re not ready. Emotion doesn’t always reflect reality.

It just means you’re human.

(Okay, so, the manuscript is off and out there and yes, I’m nervous as hell, and asking myself if I’d tweaked everything I should have or if maybe I should have spent more time on this or that… But you know what? I’m happy with it. My agent’s happy with it. One of my best friends - the only other person who’s read it and who is an incredible author - has chimed in. Indulging in self doubt and worry now would be foolish, and really, rather insulting to those who believe in me.)

* Jackie Leven, Classic Northern Diversions, from the album Shining Brother, Shining Sister There’s a line from that song that I’m thinking of using as the book title for the follow-up to WHAT BURNS WITHIN but that’s a subject of discussion for another day. Brilliant album, though. Although Creatures of Light and Darkness remains my favourite… I think.

^ Working from memory, so sue me if I didn’t nail it 100%.

And in the truly pathetic files...
Somebody fell for one of those Nigerian email scams.