Friday, July 14, 2006

What Am I Forgetting?

The first time I bought a plane ticket in my life, it was to London, England. Small-town girl who couldn’t even navigate Toronto on her own (nor did she want to) planning to get on a plane and fly to Europe.

I was packing my suitcases months before my departure.

I remember a lot of stupid stuff about preparing for that trip. Stuff that made me look pretty dumb. Like not reading about the baggage limitations, for one thing.

Now, it’s so bad that I pack and weigh my bag here. Then I add the number of books I plan to buy and make sure I’m still under the restrictions…

Two days until I leave, and I actually feel slow to be still packing now. Isn’t that insane? But I’m always paranoid that I’ll forget something, so I need your help.

Okay, I’ve got the tazer. Because, well, you know how those writers can be.

I’ve got the case of handcuffs John asked for. Not sure why he wants them.

There’s the lumberman’s jacket Stuart asked for.

And the book I’m supposed to give to Steve.

Except I’m greatly displeased with Steve at the moment!

He started a blog, and didn’t tell me!

Maybe he doesn’t want me to read it. Jerk.

I’m going to go pout now.

Oh, and really? Tell me the things you usually forget, so I remember to take them! I have that horrid nagging feeling right up to the end…


A few to make you laugh or groan From Forrest

Sherlock Holmes

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

"No, sir," the driver responded, "I have never seen you before." Then he explained, "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"This is truly amazing!" the writer exclaimed. "You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!"

"There is one other thing," the driver said.

"What is that?"

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."

Trust

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. It went like this:

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.

Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer -- do you have a locker room in the police station -- a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.

Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.

Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.

Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room.

What's three times three?

A Psychiatrist is assessing the mental status of three patients.

He asks each of them to answer the question, 'What's three times three?'

The first patient says, '158.'

The second patient replies, 'Tuesday.'

The third patient answers, 'nine.'

The shrink turns to this last patient and asks, 'Good! but how did you came up with the correct answer?'

'Easy,' he quipped, 'Just subtract 158 from Tuesday!'

(Okay, someone explain this one to me…)

16 comments:

S. W. Vaughn said...

If I "get" the last joke, does that mean I'm crazy? :-)

It's elementary, my dear Watson. Of course, 158 from Tuesday is 9.

(I thought it was hilarious; I believe the punchline is meant to point out that all three patients are indeed insane. My kinder. :-)

angie said...

I stopped worrying about packing for trips when I figured out that if I forgot something I could usually buy it when I got to my destination. Or it isn't that damn important. Not sure why, but I always forget stupid stuff like Woolite and Q-tips.

stevemosby said...

Sorry - I'm too modest and self-effacing to publicise these things, and so I didn't tell anyone. Especially cos I'm not sure my strange waffling would interest most people - and it's easier to say what you think when you can imagine that nobody is listening...

Anyway, just to echo yesterday's comments, I reckon you should leave behind all intentions or devices to straighten your hair, because you look fab. Am I forgiven, or do I need to be even nicer? :-)

Sandra Ruttan said...

SW, I'm not sure. But if you're crazy then I guess I'm not? Or maybe it's backwards...

Angie, it's true. Seldom have I forgotten something very important, except waiting for the plane to Japan I realized I didn't have an alarm clock. That wasn't so good. Yeah, you can buy one, but it's a pain.

Steve, you're forgiven. I'm not really mad, just that I've missed out on reading your thoughts all this time. And truly, I wonder why anyone is interested in my ramblings some days, but yet here you guys are...

JT Ellison said...

Don't forget your toothpaste and a razor. And advil or tylenol.
Have a wonderful time! It's going to be so amazing.

Trace said...

I forgot my birth control pills once, for a week long trip :)

anne frasier said...

pepto
tylenol

LSD

Sandra Ruttan said...

JT, razor. Gotcha. In my carry-on, right?

Trace... No comment. Although I doubt that's a concern for me this coming week, seeing as I'm leaving the evil one at home.

Anne, do you have a supplier on the last one?

anne frasier said...

sandra, just lick the back of the stamp from that package i sent you.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Fantastic Anne! I usually don't touch those things, but in this case...

Bill Cameron said...

Ooo, I want a package from anne. Or maybe just a stamp.

And Sandra, Skittles. Lots and lots of Skittles.

Sandra Ruttan said...

I only have one Skittles. And I don't think I'm allowed to take a cat with me.

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

Put your toothbrush, toothpaste, one pair of undies, and bottle of water on the outside pocket of your luggage (put meds in those pockets, too, if you need meds). If for some reason you are delayed or get to your hotel room dead-tired, you don't have to unpack - just go straight for the toothbrush and undie so you can get in and out of the shower quickly and to bed!

Sandra Ruttan said...

See, now, that's good advice!

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Sinus medication

I usually start a list and check things off as I pack.

Those jokes were good!

Bill Cameron said...

Well, okay. M&Ms then. Though clearly Dana wins the post!