I joined the fire department. It damn well feels like it, anyway. Okay, so my commitment isn't nearly as obvious as Kevin's, but I'm a grumpy bear this morning, puttering around after not enough sleep, wondering if he's alive or dead.
I know, I know. Don't be so fucking melodramatic, Sandra.
I was sitting in this very room, right here yesterday, when a call came in. Kevin had been outside, so all I heard was him run in for something off the table and the closing tones (which meant there was a call) and he was gone.
Not for all that long, though. Want to know what he was doing? You can read a bit about it. This is the call, and (Kevin's so pleased with himself) he got to land STARS. I've never directed in an emergency helicopter, so it sounds impressive.
We were in a dead sleep when the tones went off, just after 1 am. The radio being right by where my head was (we have a bookshelf headboard so Kevin always puts it there) I heard the call this time. Vehicle fire.
I remember thinking that shouldn't take that long to deal with.
Unless, of course, it was a trucker with gasoline or something.
So, this morning, it being after 8 am, still no word, I started checking the news to see if there was a report of the fire, which is when I found the report of yesterday's skydiving incident. Have I ever mentioned we live right by an airport where people skydive?
Usually, when the guys get called out, it isn't so pretty.
I guess that's me, back to wondering. I hate being a worry-wart, but it's hard not to. Anybody got a moment when they let unfounded fears get the better of them and felt like an idiot later? I could sure use a story like that.
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11 comments:
I just finished one of those moments. Not so life and death as yours, but it felt big at the time. Just life piling up, y'know? Where are we going? When will we move? Where will the kids go to school? How can I go to RWA with all these questions up in the air?
Then I realized that no matter where we are, at least we have a nice house right now. If we don't move, I'm fine with the kids going back to school here. We'll move when we're damn well ready. And neither hell nor high water is keeping me from RWA.
for me it always seems like when i quit anticipating something bad -- that's when it happens.
sorry. that's no help. i hope you hear from kev soon.
I almost lost a kid once. It was my BIL's eldest child. I was scared sh*itless. Needless to say, we found him - trying out the free samples of soy sauce chicken at the swapmeet. Ugh, growing boys and their need to eat everything in sight.
Hope you've already heard from Kevin by the time you read this.
Sela, great attitude. It's the only way to look at it, or you'd be paralyzed with indecision.
Anne, it actually is helpful. It means my worry meant things would be okay. Right?
Dana, I think losing a child would be enough to induce heart-failure. Scary. I think you posted your comment right about the time I posted the update.
Still, it's never easy to do something like that Kim. And the fact that you were concerned about how your children would handle the news shows what a caring dad you are. You could have just tossed it at them with a "deal with it" attitude, and you didn't.
XO
Kim, I never mind when you put your 2 cents in on the comments. At all.
Sandra, my husband was in the army for 25 years and even now that he's retired from the army, on civie street he's doing pretty much what he trained for all those years to do. We don't mention on-line what exactly he does for a living, but I have those moments on a regular basis. Each day before he heads for work, I tell him... stay safe and be careful. It's become kind of a ritual for us.
You'd think I'd be used to it after all these years... but if he's too late calling or coming on-line when he's away on contract... I begin to worry.
And then everyone wonders why I'm prematurely grey... lol.
Sue, I'm glad it's not just me. Okay, rephrase. Not to suggest I'm happy that you go through this, but it's nice to know someone else understands.
Kevin's former military. A good friend of mine, her husband's been in Afghanistan for months now, several more to go on his tour. It's harsh.
No need to rephrase. The reason I posted was so that you wouldn't feel like you were the only one going through this. I guess, that is one of the few advantages of having gone through the things I've gone through over the years... I can try to be there for others, even if only a small way.
And Sandra... let your friend know that she'll come through this time too. Dave was part of the peace implementation force in Bosnia and he was also part of the group of Canadians who launched the ground component in Kosovo. Many people don't know that Canadians were one of the first forces to enter Kosovo in 1999. Dave was out of contact for over a month then. I didn't know where he was and the army (for security reasons) couldn't tell me. There were times I thought I'd go out of my mind with worry. But tell your friend that we made it through and I pray the same for her and her husband.
But all the worry, the uncertainty... it has made Dave and I appreciate the time we do have together and we never take each other for granted. It's given us a bond that others, who see us together, tell us is rare. Each new day is precious to us because we are facing it together, because each time he's come back to me.
Yes, the day I was waiting for my daughter's bus home from school. It arrives and she doesn't get off. So the bus driver is calling in to base and they are trying to locate her. Nothing. So she tells me to go home and hopefully the school is calling me. I'm with my youngest daughter walking home crying cause I don't know what happened to my daughter and thinking the worst thoughts. I get home and there's a message from the school. She missed the bus. Phew! In the back of my mind I knew it was something like that but the worst thoughts always manage to make themselves heard.
Sue, that bond is rare!
Amra, I'm the exact same. I'm such a worrier.
Andrea, I think I'd die. You tell yourself it's all okay, but there's always that niggling doubt in the back of your mind.
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