Friday, September 01, 2006

It's all over but the crying/writing contest

I wish I could say that.

Yep, staring down two super-huge deadlines and everything goes sideways. And not a good sideways or an indifferent sideways, but an "Oh dear God this isn't good" kind of sideways.

You've got to love careful readers, but you can't love somebody too much when they come back to you at the 11th hour... well, more like 5 to midnight, and say there's a scene you might want to take a look at...

Anyway, I won't bore you with the details. But, I'm off. To the city to deal with this grant application, and then I'll be back here, chained to my desk, going over the final things for SC. My eyes are already burning after managing four hours of sleep (and yes, I was woken up during those four hours by creatures who shall remain unnamed but in my "I'm seriously pissed at you" category for at least another 12 hours), so the good news is, it can't get much worse.

Writing Contest

Believe it or not, there's still room to enter the Spinetingler Cozy Noir contest. Full details can be found here (just scroll down for contest details). And we are taking regular submissions as well.

Though I must be insane to say it, because I need at least one full day off from reading after all this.

Although Kevin told me some of the entries have been hysterical...

And on that note, winners in Jason Evans' latest writing contest will be announced today. This contest was judged by the fantastic Anne Frasier. I hope when I grow up I get invited to do cool things like this, too.

But writers who have nothing better to do this long weekend should get motivated and get their entries for the Cozy Noir contest in. Yeah, I'm insane to say it. I'll curse more on Tuesday when I see the number of stories piling up...

I know there's a joke in my inbox somewhere, but I just got the thing I was waiting for back. Which means no more dawdling. But I'd love it if you guys posted jokes in the comments or emailed them to me. I'm going to need all the smiles I can get today.

Happy, safe long weekend to all of you.


S. W. Vaughn said...

Oh no! The dreaded last-minute edits!!!

(((hugs Sandra)))

You'll get through it, I know you will. Just think of how great it's going to be when it's over!

Can't think of any jokes off the top of my head except this old saw:

A guy walked into a bar...and it hurt.

You may gag now. :-)

Bill Cameron said...

Hmmm, I have a maybe for the contest. But it needs lotsa fixing. And even then. Maybe I will see what I can do with it over the weekend. I figured you'd be all fulled up by now. And yes, I intentionally typed the word "fulled" there. I don't have a joke, but I thought maybe that would make you laugh. A little bit.

A tiny bit?

Oy. I'm doing my best to send psychic energy beams to you, but I'm afraid they might have got stopped at the border by an overzealous Border Patrol guy. My psychic energy beams do look suspicious, I gotta admit.

Sandra Ruttan said...

SW, it may be proof of madness, but I laughed!

Bill, the overzealous border patrol guys only managed to stop 2/3 because the other 1/3 were on union regulated breaks.

And if you don't enter, I'll be seriously annoyed. So there.

Kim Reis said...

Take a deep breath. I hang out here every day just to see what you are talking about. So do many others.

Hey! Everybody who can't wait to read Sandra's new book raise your hand!!

See? There are lots of us who will be right there with you.

It's going to be great.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Oh Kim, thanks. The problem is I want it to be perfect, and I have to remember this is the ARC not the finished book...

DesLily said...

So.. why did the elephant paint it's toenails all different colors?

answ: to hide in the M&Ms (duh)

Ever see an Elephant in the M&M's?

see there.. it works!

(don't shoot the messenger!)

Sandra Ruttan said...

Ha DesLily! I asked for it, didn't I?!

Bill Cameron said...

Holds up hand.

anne frasier said...

my hand is raised. i can't wait to read SC!

and you don't have to be grown up to be involved in jason's contest. i tried to pretend i was, but i'm not sure i pulled it off.

i hope you get some sleep soon -- and get that book put to bed too.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Wow, at this rate we're going to have a real campfire Kumbaya moment going here!

Steve Allan said...

Oh yes, people should definitely check out the winners of the Clarity of Night contest. :) BSP

Sandra Ruttan said...

Huge congrats to you Steve!

Andrea at Lochthyme said...

You can do it Sandra! And here's my joke:

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are some priceless quotes:......

*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. He knew better*.

*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan!, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

*This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

*While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and t o have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.

*I was working in an aquarium, when some new guy who was recently hired was given the task of feeding the fish. He started throwing in friggin peanuts! I walked up to him, looking angry, and said to him, "Goddamn it! They cant;t digest that! All they can do is lick your nuts!". Needless to say, I quit.

Anonymous said...

In our building the students live in two wings. Each wing has a set of locked security doors you have to get through to gain access to the wing. To unlock the door all you have to do is swipe your student ID through the card reader that is off to the side of the door. The other day my husband saw one of our brilliant young minds trying to fit his ID in the small space in between the two security doors. Apparantly he thought he had to break in. norby

Bill Cameron said...

I'm detecting a balls theme in these delightful missteps. Heh.