Friday, September 08, 2006

Friday Smiles

Somehow, I have survived the week, determined that next week be nothing but sunshine and roses and probably five star rants, because that's just typical.

Oh, and I'm having lunch with Deletta, who sent me this great joke:

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says,"Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries
desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Time to invest in a lawyer, Bob. You're going to need one!

One thing I'm really hoping for next week is that I can get back on schedule. I don't know about you guys, but once things start coming at me from all directions, I feel really unproductive, even if I'm busy all day. I love my lists, with things getting checked off, giving me a sense of accomplishment.

I even tried to post this graphic on the KY blog and it wouldn't work:

I'd go back to bed and get up all over again to see if I could start the day on a good note, but this is the second try already...

Good news for Kevin! He passed his latest course for the fire department with 94%! Of course, he has another course this weekend and next weekend, so I'll be here. Then when he's done, I'll be in the US. We've decided to try having a marriage again in November - fingers crossed.

Courtesy of my dear friend, JT Ellison

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the
Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at
the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective opened a folder on his desk pulled out a picture. He said
to the three blondes, "To be a detective, you have to be able to
detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing
features and oddities, such as scars and so forth." So saying, he stuck
the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about
two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features
about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in
this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her
face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice
anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear
what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face!
Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and
said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in
her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right,
did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began
looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde
with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio
says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking
at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye
and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."


Steve Allan said...

Poor Bob.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Steve, is that all you have to say? Poor Bob? His wife takes him to a strip club?

Say poor Kevin. I'd never take him to a strip club.

angie said...

That was a better than average blonde joke. Here's wishing you a fab weekend & a better week! Oh, and congrats to Kevin - pretty damn good score.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

I have absolutely no sympathy for Bob. Philanderer! Sleeze bucket!

Besides, you're supposed go to a strip club you've never been to before. Don't these people know how it works?

Congratulations to Kevin for passing his tests. Impressive.

JT Ellison said...

Congtrats to Kevin! Have a good weekend...
JT, guffawing, because I know what your weekend looks like... just like mine, dammit!

Sandra Ruttan said...

Angie, yeah, not a bad blonde joke.

Stephen, exactly! BTW, I kid you not, my grandfather's middle name with Philander. John Philander Ruttan. Known as Jack.

Kinda makes a statement, doesn't it?

JT, yeah, you just keep guffawing. Try to get some sleep!

And thanks to all re: Kevin. He's pretty pleased with himself.

Andrea Maloney said...

Bob was dumb. If he was smart he would have said gee whiz dear I don't want to go to a strip club I'd rather spend time with you...especially when he saw the strip club they were going to. :) Course maybe Bob wanted a divorce so he wasn't so dumb after all?

Congrats to Kevin!

Sandra Ruttan said...

Good point Andrea - although I bet he got pummeled this way. Grounds to take him to the cleaners!

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Bonnie Calhoun said...

LOL...Those jokes were hysterical!

Congrats to Kevin! Remember, behind every man is a great woman pushing him on!

Next week will be better!

Sandra Ruttan said...

Ha Bonnie - do I have a written guarantee?

Dana Y. T. Lin said...

Oh, Bob.

Anyway, behind every great man is a woman lighting a fire on his butt.

Erik Ivan James said...

I was sure the cabby was going to say, "Which hotel tonight, Doris, the Ritz or the Hilton?"

My congratulations to Kevin. Impressive indeed.


Julia Buckley said...

Has Kevin ever had to get a cat out of a tree? Just wondered if that fireman cliche had any truth to it.

I'm glad I'm not blonde.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Dana - LOL!

Erik, there's a lot I could say. After all, I know you...

Julia, no. He's had to get a cat out of our curtains at home, but not a tree. Not yet, anyway. I think they don't cover that until you get to the extreme high-end very risky jobs factors - you have to be good not to get scratched.