Sunday, February 18, 2007

Oink Oink


Welcome to the Year of the Pig. Expect epidemics, disasters and violence in much of the world.

So, more of the same old, same old. Don’t blame global warming and George Bush, blame the calendar dates. (I am joking.)

This is actually the year of the red pig. Let’s get more details:

Pig is a Lucky and Mild-tempered Animal
President Ronald Reagan was born in year of Pig. He was very happy to know that Pig is a very lucky animal in the Chinese horoscope. The Chinese see that pigs eat food all the time, enjoy sleeping all day long and worry about nothing during their entire lives. Therefore, pig is a lucky animal.
According to Chinese Five Element astrology. the animal sign Pig contains Water and Wood. Pig doesn't fight with Metal, because Metal, Water and Wood have a Circulating Relationship. Pig doesn't fight with Fire, because Water, Wood and Fire together have a Circulating Relationship as well.
But the Water element will fight with the Earth element. Earth animals are Cow, Dragon, Sheep and Dog. Cow contains Earth, Metal and Water. Cow and Pig don't fight directly, because Earth, Metal, Water and Wood are in a circulating sequence. We can find the similar circulating relationships between other Earth animals with the Pig, so it doesn't have a face-to-face conflict with the other animals.
Snake and Pig have a Fighting Relationship. But Snake contains Fire, Earth and Metal. If we put Snake and Pig together, we can still find Water, Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal in a circulating sequence. This means that the fighting relationship between Snake and Pig is not that serious. The conclusion is that most of people born in year of Pig don't have any unyielding argument with other people. Since Pig-type people have more peaceful lifestyle than others, they are therefore luckier.
Red Pig and Lucky Element
The past three years, Monkey 2004, Chicken 2005 and Dog 2006 are Metal cycles. Year of Red Pig 2007 is the beginning year of the Water cycle. Therefore the coming three years are favorable to people whose lucky element is Water.
Basically, Pig contains Water and Wood. Red is related Fire. In short, people will have better luck in 2007, if their Lucky Element is Water, Wood or Fire.


What about those born in the year of the pig?

“According to Chinese astrology, people born in pig years are polite, honest, hardworking and loyal. They are also lucky, which is why many Chinese like to have babies in a pig year.”

I’m a pig.

Well, okay, according to this thing I filled out at the site I’m a brown horse born in the year of the white pig and my lucky element is metal.

I have no real idea what that means, other than that it sounds like I live on a farm.

When the Metal is your lucky element
-1. Monkey and Chicken are your lucky animals.
-1. Years of Monkey and Chicken are your lucky years.
-1. Months of Monkey and Chicken are your lucky Months.
-1. Fall is your lucky season.
-1. 15:00 - 19:00 (3 P.M. to 7 P.M.) are your lucky hours.
-1. Western direction is your lucky place.
-1. It will bring you luck to live in a house that faces west.
-1. You should choose a bedroom on the west side of the house.
-1. It's good for you to keep the west side window(s) open.
-1. When arranging the office desk, you should sit facing the west.
-1. A metal bed is good for you.
-1. Your lucky color is white.
-1. You should wear white often.
-1. Driving a white car brings your luck.
-1. Wearing jewelry will bring you luck.
-1. It's a good idea to wear golden rings.
Take care of your respiratory system - Lungs, Nose and Skin.

I can’t sit facing west in this office. That exposes my back to the door and I don’t like having people be able to sneak up on me. Although I’ve always known I had a thing for the west – I dreamed of moving west as a child. My house has doors on the north and west side – does that count for anything?

A metal bed, though? And driving a car? I don’t consider white a good winter colour, poor visibility.

Well, anyway, it is now the year of the pig, I’m as confused as ever, and I figure I probably have a second contradictory horoscope anyway because I’m a Gemini.

And my twins are polar opposites.

Norby sent me a joke, and it’s been a while since I’ve posted one, so here you are. Happy Sunday. (And for those who’ve emailed about links, I’m working on that too.)

THE COMPANY PLAN
In the beginning there was the plan.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form.
And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness fell upon the face of the Workers.
And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit."
And the Workers went unto the Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung."
And the Supervisors went unto the Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement, such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto the Senior Managers, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer."
And the Senior Managers went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "This new plan will promote the growth of the company with very powerful effects."
And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.
And the Plan became Policy.
And this is how shit happens.

4 comments:

Bonnie Calhoun said...

The only thing I know about all that pig stuff is that I love ham and cheese sandwiches...LOL

The joke was good too!

Julia Buckley said...

Epidemics and disasters--so, same old?

The new format looks cool!

Eileen said...

We used to hang the "company plan" thing up at our office. It still cracks me up.

ORION said...

As someone who was born in the year of the snake (and the connotations THAT inspires) I have no sympathy for those who are pigs.
Now that didn't come out as I intended...
ah well...